Ugly past. Beautiful change i aim.

So many thoughts in my mind.
I never thought i am in this bad state until today.
So insensible. Immature. or maybe a big I for idiotic.
Being smart is one thing. Having the right principles in life is another.
This incident had made me start thinking.
How fortunate i am, or perhaps how SPOILT i am too.
I'm always in this comfort zone which in any case, won't step out of it.
Thus taking things for granted. Causing a doubt for trust, reliability and relationship.
This time, things have really gone overboard that i really should reflect on it and change for the better.
But I'm glad that the holy spirit made me admit my mistake, confessing it.
Sin is already so bad. Being immune to that sin, we should go eat shit.

At times, you are correct. BUT there are times, your concepts are wrong too.

It happens a lot of times already, maybe because of that one stupid error, that is to enter a neighbourhood school which doesn't meet your expectations. However, it turns out to be a blessing to me. I've found great buddies and mentors. Yeah i agree, there are times when there are bad influences. But guess what, smoking don't matter to me. Gangsterism don't matter to me. Come'on, everywhere is the same. Its whether i dare to say No or just fall into it. Even for o's, I've shown you that i am not as ignorant as you think. I DO of course think for myself the path that I'm taking.

Now you talk about my circle of friends and personal life.

I should widen my network of friends. YES
Friends can't help you forever in terms of finances. YES
Friends are people you cannot rely on forever. YES
You must depend on your own self. YES

I agree. BUT! I tell you. Without these amazing church mates and my brothers around me, i will absolutely be nothing. I will stand by them and i know they will too. Things have changed. I can have a lot of friends, but these are the true ones that i know i can rely on. (Proverbs 18 : 24) Not by chance, not by coincidence they are together with me.

I think back,
so many ugly things i had done.
So immature.
So insensitive.
So insensible.

I can have a crazy self, you guys know me. But i need to be serious at times when i have to be. 25 May this year has been a defining moment for me. Being baptised is one thing, the important thing is actually whether I've really change from the inside out. Obviously not. There are times when I'm rude to my family and friends. I show attitude to my family and friends. My quiet time not doing fine. Blablabla. Maybe I've improved a little bit since secondary school. But there is a long way for me to be a better man.

Studies is my priority. I guess its time for me to really put in effort and work hard instead of slacking around. Time management is very very very important. Once i put my priorities right, definitely i will get my life right too.

Thank you God. Glory be to you always. No matter what.